When we still alive

I have asked myself a question that am I really happy now? The answer is No. I have everything that I wanted: a house with small ground around with plants, an invidual bedroom, an offfice for work with many books, a job with good salary and a real family with parents and also a brother. My own business is in a good trend now and I have no worry about money. I do fitness to keep my body in the way enough for me feeling better. Moreover, I have a piano, a guitar, a harmonica and a koto to play for spare time. I spend 3 evenings per week for art but everything is not my dreams for a freedom life that I’ve chased. As a result, I live with my duty day by day.

In fact, this is the life I used to want when I was 17: workaholic, success in career of civil engineering instead of my mother’s looking down. She’s gone for 2 years but I still keep everything as close as much when she was alive. This is maybe my mother’s dream of me which I have been familiar since my childhood. That’s why I thought I should choose a social necessity job instead my ability. I hate to be passive in everything, but tiger moms in my extended family always decide for their children, especially me. They suppose that I have a bad health and mental illness for searching a sustainability chair. They also give me advices but I know by myself as much as I can do best in each condition.

So, what is my real dream?

I hate deadlines and changing my timetable for others’ plans. I discipline myself enough but deadlines with my health are enemies. I used to love the internet and mobiles but now I hate work mails and the notifications from mobiles or skype. I really want to be an artist to maintain my life by creations or to be someone like Mr. Le Quoc, a culture expert and also the great friend of my family. I need to have another choice for raising the sense of initiative without the internet at least 8 hour per day. I really want to say No to quit out of invitations that I dislike especially for work or businesses to earn money.

That’s why I should think seriously about my own real dream and make decision. I hate my duty, to be a good child in my family instead to be a wise compassionate person who know the way to love and enjoy this lifetime.

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